Should You Get into Modeling? Here's the Tea...
Photo Courtesy of Nicholas Clark
I feel like I have explained my reasons on my social media posts all the time, but I never really explained what I went through in detail. Going through them felt like texts upon texts that explained nothing.
This story is not going to bad-mouth specific people I worked with. Considering what I say can affect my career and others around me, I’m not going to put names. It is NOT worth it to start drama, unnecessary rumors, or be held liable especially when I have already dropped these individuals out of my life. Instead, these situations should be looked at as lessons and forewarnings.
I get a puzzled reaction most times when young girls see me as a ‘role model.’ Perhaps, they see their representation in me? I do see how some can feel because I would feel the same way when it comes to representation. However, I am not perfect. I made a lot of mistakes that I hold myself accountable for.
How I Got Started
One of my favorite photos. I was only 18 years old. // Nick Mangubat
If I am being honest, I got into modeling because of my looks. I’m only 5’4” tall and around 110 lbs (I don’t check my weight these days), but that didn’t stop people from wanting to work with me. Now, I am confident, but my confidence at that time did not always connotate maturity. In 2017, I was at a club meeting during the first few weeks of my freshman year. I met a fashion/portrait photographer, Nick Mangubat. (Sup, Nick–if you’re ever going to read this! Hope you’re doing great! :3). I exchanged numbers with him and Instagram users, but I was not aware of his photography talents. Nick then messaged me on my Instagram later that day asking if I ever thought of modeling and the rest was history. I remember asking Nick, “Why did you pick me?”
He replied with a big smile, “Oh, it’s because you’re pretty.”
That comment was often said to me, which often caused me to become impressionable towards others–friends, family, and these ‘cliques’ around the Norfolk-VA Beach area, who I didn’t even know in person.
My confidence at that time did not always connotate maturity
Much to my family’s dismay of me pursuing this non-realistic occupation, modeling was glamorous to me, at first. I received validation–whether it’d be how I posed or how I looked–from my followers and photographers, offers of free items, and the outcome of stunning photos from these talented artists. I strived to look the best, be the best, but mostly wanted to become better than anyone else. I was oblivious and insecure because of how everyone around me made themselves to be on social media. These cliques would often arrange exclusive creative meetups, throw parties, or social gatherings in Norfolk, Virginia Beach, and elsewhere. The pictures they would take, the arrogance they showed off, and the connections that were there are what I envied. While I got invited to quite a few of these parties in Virginia Beach, I never went and I’m glad I didn’t because I wasn’t one of them.
I couldn’t be one of them.
My outlook was just very shallow and superficial, but pursuing modeling was a passion I thought I could have.
So, around 2018-2019, I found myself going to these creative artists’ meetups a lot more and I slowly started networking with photographers.
It was then I started meeting the wrong people, instead of working with the right people.
My Favorite Shoots // 2019-2021
Why I *Briefly* Got Out
You may often hear that models would date photographers, flirt, or hook up with them to build their connections, it’s true. It’s the dirty truth, no matter how nobody wants to admit it publicly. I’ve been in that place once and I’ve seen many models do it as well. It’s a culture and an industry where you have to sell your soul to be successful. Models and photographers are often alone, especially if they’re doing collaborative work. As a result, they can build chemistry and a bond. Professional chemistry = great photos & a great relationship.
But, the lines are often blurred.
There was one incident where I modeled for a local boutique, in which I was involved with a photographer for a brief period. This photographer–who also worked at this boutique– and I met to work together for a release of a new shoe collection. We took some shots first in downtown Norfolk and then in Virginia Beach a week later. We had such great professional chemistry. It was during those few days I got the illusion that he seemed to want me. There was sort of a natural attraction between the both of us (maybe more on my part than his.) We talked about our ambitions, who we were, and he wanted to invite me to meet certain people so I can get the exposure I always wanted. I reciprocated my feelings back to him, but only to be taken advantage of for his professional and personal gain. In return, I had nothing. I only wanted to be desired by someone like him.
Another incident was when I was at a studio “test” shoot with a photographer. No one else was present at this location. I named my rates to $25 hourly, considering the time I spent to get ready on my own and the time spent with this photographer. Despite giving him my set rates, he repeatedly tried to dodge paying me by replacing my compensation with free wardrobes, or some other free items. Regardless, I stood my ground with my rates.
He told me while paying me in cash, “You know, it feels like I’m paying a prostitute.”
I was only 19 years old when he said that to me. He was much older. But, I thank the Lord that he didn’t place one finger on me.
This may not count as sexual harassment to some, but it was such an inappropriate statement to say to a young girl.
In return, I had nothing. I only wanted to be desired by someone like him.
Now that you heard my experiences…
BlushTones x Flawless On-Site // 2021
Should You Get into Modeling?
I can’t believe I am saying this, but yes. Go for it.
You will find that it may be an occupation you want to pursue or you may want to pursue something else greater in your career. Who am I to stop you from chasing your dreams?
Modeling is a great networking tool for the fashion, entertainment, and even the journalism industry. It can teach you how to talk to clients or inquiries professionally, how to make business with other freelancers or professionals, and mostly teach you confidence. I also met many amazing people who are still great friends with me and keep in touch with me till today. Occasionally, I have received “free treatment” or items given to me, but it was mostly because I gave my “free time” to these inquiries. It also was not unusual for my face to be published in a local magazine or shop. Many people would freak out if they saw themselves published. Not me, haha. :) I publish people and stories for fun and a living, so it was and it’s still not an ‘awestruck’ feeling.
On the other hand, you should know that looks will fade, but what you learn doesn’t. Were all the obstacles worth it? Yes. It was, I learned from them and I’m able to mentor them to you.
These lessons I learned were rooted in MY mistakes, therefore, these situations that happened to me will probably not happen to you. While every photographer’s personality or professionalism differs, you can only control knowing who/what you’re working with. In addition, doesn’t mean that someone is giving you so much attention, doesn’t mean that it’s validation. Opportunists often play slick and sweet-talk to get what they want, especially when a girl is wanting someone to see her potential or her purpose. If you step into the scene without a confident mentality or being able to be realistic, then the modeling industry will knock you down.
While every photographer’s personality or professionalism is different, you can only control knowing who/what you’re working with.
Now, I know what you’re thinking, “Paula, I still see you going to shoot every once in a while, you’re still modeling again. A walking contradiction much?”
Yes, I may go on sets and shoots, but it’s only once in a blue moon (+ to pay the bills.) Keep in mind, I got back into modeling earlier last year because I was able to (and even now) merge my journalism career and personal freelance work to get me where I am today. I am much wiser in choosing my decisions regarding who I work with and the outcome of these inquiries.
Ultimately, take this information however you please and let yourself debate if you would want to model. This story is not meant for anyone to pity me, but only to shed light on how dirty the freelance culture and modeling industry can be.
I hope my ladies out there can be safe and have fun while pursuing their endeavors.
I wish you all the best of luck,
- Paula J.P.